Is it RAINing now??

2012-02-11T09:03:00.000-08:00

back from a trip...not really a well-planned or time-used-wisely but overall it's a fun trip.......

back with a bad news....i always told myself i couldn't face it or i dunno what will happen to me if he found his other half......but now i need to face it no matter what....one thing is i dont need to write diary anymore...there is no more reason for me to meet you, to see you.....no wonder everything changes so suddenly in a few months back time...now i found myself foolish after all these while....i must look dumb to you and even myself...i couldnt bring myself to say "Stay sweet forever".....my heart will definitely cry if i saw you guys hug each other or even holding hands...please dont bring her into our group....but you dont even care right? like..."who cares if you cant join our trip when im with her"

this time

a

really

GOODBYE.. ='(

" the heart was made to be broken..." it's that so?!

2012-02-01T21:08:00.000-08:00

CNY is almost over...im a little lazy to update here recently...haih...i always have mix feelings.... >.<

im angry with someone...i really dont understand why though? why am i always the one who need to apologize first for something that i did not even do wrong?? W-H-Y? and it will always appear to her that she is the GREAT one and im a LAME one? purleaseeeeee...you are not what you think ok? (even though you are great and talented in studies....please dont be kiasu and help your friend....) back to my point...it's almost true of what i read in some apps although some said i should not believe it...

"you will assist family members and friends without thinking...but the people around you will probably exploit you...your friends will spend their time and money and then stay away from you when you have no value to them"
is that what i will be? always be taken advantage of? dump me aside when i have no value to you? but i know where my heart stays...no matter how bad you treated me...after awhile...i will forgive and forget and help you guys again without knowing.... > .< eventhough i might remembered how you guys treated me last time....right ...ok..use me as you wish... =.= i know i know..forgive and forget is a good thing....helping each other without wanting something in return is a good thing...but HELLO...wake up...it's a realistic world? im the one who is being "bullied" here.... 'one good turn deserves' another dont exist anymore i think....im not greedy..i nvr wish that you treat me better..but please treat me as how i treat you..... and dont be angry and blame the wrong person...ME.... well...for now...i will not say sorry for those of not my fault to you anymore...huh

and to that person...you really totally forget about me already? even though you are a gentleman and all...but you only treat a person well when you first know him/her? now im your old friend...you dont even bother anymore.....i really hope to unfriend you but..i cant...cuz i really dont wanna answer..." hey why are we not friend anymore" the moment you realize...but i dont think you realize..........

2012-01-12T23:57:00.000-08:00

now i have a little bit of time to write here....well....the super duper extremely hard week was almost over....at least 75% of it...pheww....you cannot imagine how hard it was...i admit that i have really reached my limit in studying....i know i dont really have much talent in studying...i was telling the truth....dont tell me not to underestimate myself or to look down...i did not....(i always think highly of myself....haha...joking) i really tried to push myself off my limits.....i know that hard work is the thing that bring myself to this level...... for the next time..i dont really know whether hard work can help me anymore....like seriously.... >.<

last few day my mood was really down....feeling like im alone is this world....i discovered something....i did not want to admit...well...someone close to me...she has great talent in studying...of course...we all are asking her lots of questions....i really need her help..but it seems that she recently refused to help me....perhaps lazy to explain to me? i did not see the same situation that happen to another friend....am i not worth a friend again or because the others are guys..so you are more willing to help them than me? or is it my pointer is currently higher than yours that you want to see me fall? i dont really blame her...everyone hopes to be the best and if not better than your close competition....well you win again this sem....my pointer will definitely fall...dont worry then...you know how people dont like to listen to some friends talking bad about other close friends? i know that feeling....that is why when im so down....i cant even seek someone to talk with...to blurt out everything...cuz i know they dont like to hear it...and i need to swallow everything down alone..... and you know how badly i did for my ec paper? very badly that i might get C or fail....but PLEASE NO!!! i have never failed a paper in my life....NEVER please!! =( that night...i really cant concentrate in my studies....i have no choice but to call my mother....once i heard her voice...i cried immediately....i really miss my family.....

and to you....do you even remember my existence??

2012-01-02T09:28:00.000-08:00

now it's 1.06am 3 january 2012........

maybe i can say that today is the earliest of me sleeping in uni during this stressful study week? well, im not blaming anybody of course...it's just that i keep telling myself i should study VERY VERY VERY HARD for this semester but it seems that i didnt really keep that promise... =( though during this few days...i studied harder compared to at home....lucky i still can catch up a bit...hope tomorrow will be a good day for me... =) recently...my brain system seems to slow down or stuck... >.< cuz i cant really figured out the mistakes i did in my calculations...not wanting to give up so easily..i keep on doing the same question over and over again..but failed in the end... =.= not wanting to spend few hours on one silly question....im forced to move on...dunno when will i have to chance to see what i am really wrong at...arghh...

well as for my family...i feel kinda sorry....december should be a happy month for all...cuz it's HOLIDAY MONTH...but.................i have loads and loads of stuff to do........and i need to spend all my time just to focus on my studies....i should work hard rite? since i dont really have the talents in this few areas..... all i can do is just study study study......>.< i even need to decline all invitations to shopping =( or gatherings........HAIH..........suddenly though bout something....i REALLY HATE it when some friends said...."wow you scored high marks in the exam...then you dont need to work hard anymore..unlike me...."

hello!!!! im not a genius okay? i think im just lucky enough....i did mistakes too....JUST DONT TELL ME...BOYS SHOULD DO BETTER THAN GIRLS.....>.< and it doesnt mean that i have to stop work hard so that you can catch up on me...HUH! one thing that i can be proud of for this sem is that im the top scorer/highest pointer-holder....hehe....ONLY FOR THIS SEMESTER....but i dont expect much for the coming finals...all As? no.........but i dont want all B =(

and to my coursemate...i know im not important to you at all...you are lazy to move or even dont bother to help me...... >.< kinda disappointed actually...why do you treasure you college friends more than your coursemate? i mean...we spent most of the time together in uni rite..at least during daylight......do you really jsut see me as a tool to be used whenever you like? >.< it really seems like that....just disappointed in you...REALLY!! you have no hope to be a good _ _ _ ...........

right enough of all these...lastly...i sincerely hope all earthlings to survive 2012..may this year be a better year than 2011 =) saranghae and goodnite!!!

with this picture...everyday will be the new beginning for us with great hopes!! fighting!! ^^

2011-12-03T08:50:00.000-08:00

my day today? was totally sitting in a roller coaster.... >.< waking up early...rushing in preparing things to bring back to hostel.....reach hostel.....rushing to do report...and rush to do assignment....but one thing that really breaks my heart is that i cant bring myself to face the truth...that im really out of energy and spirits these few weeks...i really need a break and i cant cope up anymore.... =( i have really tried my best............

im not refering to my test results of course...yeah...i have to admit i din do quite well in test but i really tried my best..so im ok with that...but for this sem, we have assignments...GROUP assignments.......with my coursemates...i really cant answer them at all and i cant help out even a little.....i felt really useless....i have tried my best too...till im really have severe headache and even cried silently.....i know im the type that cried easily...but this time...i felt really ashamed.... why is life at university is so hard? because im too reckless and unaware all this while? i felt really bad for letting him to do everything.......but i also can sense that he is a little dissatisfied as well...when i asked him to teach me...he asked me to find out the ans myself....not wanting to share with me..... =( is he really that cruel? he is totally not gentlemen at all.......im not saying that he should share his answers with me....i just meant im weak in these few subjects and wanted him to teach and guide me...is that so hard and so wrong?

after blaming myself and feeling like running away from everything...i walked back to my college...ate dinner...silently....take a good bath....and continue with my report which i haven managed to finish....now im left with the conclusion part...and then near midnight...BANG..BAMARATATA TATATATATA!!! HAHAHA...videos of my oppa dancing and singing to 2ne1's im the best spreads like fire...once you clicked....you cant stop laughing and smilling...omo.......they are super cute......now im not feeling so down anymore.....im scared that i can go mad to due all this stress!!! i really need a break from allll these stressfullllllll thingssssssss in my lifeeeeeeeeeee!!! =(

jiyong oppa!! you are daebakk!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zSoO7IoKLk&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QM3CiV7JAf8

2011-10-30T08:31:00.000-07:00

hi peeps......it's 11.22 pm 30 OCT 2011..........well, it's about time to sleep...but i thought of dropping by here...... what did i do before this? i voted many many many times for bigbang MTV EMA.....yeah you might say im crazy and wasting my time...but it's the only thing that i can do for my oppas.....giving them the title they deserve for....but how do we beat Britney Spears? im not kidding....bigbang and britney and many other great artists are fighting for the title of Worldwide Act.... cool huh?... =P

i seemed to be in not-very-healthy mode recently....i have fever last few weeks and last week gastric.... awful stomachache just because i only ate a burger for lunch =.= my appetite is not that good and has become worse after entering university..aiks....yeah, i have midterm coming again... >.< i hope i did prepare enough for my operating system subject..(gulp).........well, i dont really have much to say for this post....just randomly typing out...and

oh yeah...."i used to wait for you but now im running away from you" well not running away exactly..but yeah, i dont wait for you anymore...although my heart hurts.....which you never know.....i still dont have any more reason that i can lie to myself to wait for you anymore...because...i dont even care about me...it might sound harsh...but it's exactly like 'you dont give a shit to whatever im doing' anyway.....

p/s: btw....how can he be so cute?erm...(change mood).... i dont know how to start or say it out right...it's about oppa's drug case...whatever the thing is...i did say before you dont need to tell the public anything about your life but not this....after the whole case, how could you just keep quiet and stay behind YG? how are you suppose to show or sing publicly again? do you expect time will let everyone forget everything and you can just show up like nothing has happened? no oppa, you ll hurt even more if you continue this way...i dont wanna see you hurt anymore..or should i say....i dont want people to hurt you because it hurts me indirectly...well, i dont wanna get hurt...... =(

i miss you jiyong oppa... ='(

2011-10-07T21:37:00.000-07:00

this year is sure a tough year not only for BIGBANG but for us VIPs as well......... it started off well with stupid liar, tonight and love song.......but more and more obstacles are turning up....we have no choice but to face it with strong heart and great mind...most importantly FAITH.....

well, vips must have heard about gd oppa....i dunno what to think at first....is he wrong? should i continue support him? why did someone i love so so much did something wrong? drug...some might think it's nothing wrong, he's a human...but for us asians...drug is something really big...is it that oppa is facing so many troubles and stress that he chose to keep it to himself, without seeking help from others? is that why he is so thin all this while and look not that happy when he arrived in Malaysia? NO NO...... oppa is someone i believed in and have faith in so much.......he's a kind man....an adult who knows what is right and what is wrong.......he knows how to think for himself, his mates, his family, his future and his FANS...........we dont discredit someone who did so many good things because of one mistake(i dunno...drug is a big mistake) nevertheless, he is still my oppa......and i will stand by him at all times.......yeah i might be biased......so what? im doing what a true fan suppose to do.......we all did not know what is happening exactly.......we have no right to question him and he dont have to answer us.......he's also a human......he does not need to report anything or any detail to us just because he's a celebrity........#staystrongGD.......i have think and rethink...i will stay by your side....we will always give you the support you need......

i dreamt a weird dream...but it;s super sweet and real...hehe.....sorry i need to keep it as a secret between him and me =P

2011-10-04T05:24:00.000-07:00

hi peeps... been waiting for my updates after that super high concert? i got to be kidding myself.... who's waiting anyway...alright..enough of nonsense and "talking-to-myself-ness" hehe

hmm..the mood isn't right here...i should be moody and emo now....... well this is the 3rd week of our lectures.. is everything progressing smoothly? i dunno....i just feel i that i kinda changed.. or people around me change again? you might remember i wrote a post about the changes around me last time.......

well, everyone is very very busy..including myself who didn't participate in any college activities anymore...so why am i busy...i d k...... >< homework revision tutorial assignments i guess......... =( tough subjects this sem..been trying to keep up...... and thus, i had broke my 1st record here this sem...i didn't go out to sing-k or even watch movie with any friends at all...if you count the last outing with friends where we ate dinner at 8 30pm and rushing out to take taxi back to college...yeah..thats my only outing...is that what makes me moody? i think so...i have been burying myself into books too much...... and im emo now.......

been looking forward to the next-supposed-movie-watching outing..but im been ignored again (she always choose a time when im not free)...so i guess they all went to watch that movie that i wanna watch so badly....well, it's not hard to guess.... i quickly rushed back after my class end...to find that she is not there...... and when she's back...she just keep silent all the time.......

another issue is.....well, don't be naive and expect i will take some of your responsibilities as mine....... there's no such kind person in the world that treats you like a princess after you dumped me every time last year....im not that stupid or noble......i never ever send you any stupid and ridiculous message after what you did to me..... so stop doing or acting as such to me la........there's no need to act that you are super busy or you are given a great important job.....just handle it yourself.......i did my best for them....and what did i get in return.....i didn't expect much...... but i never expect them to betray me......i told you so...... be responsible in every action you take and decision you make........don't just blame it to other people and pretend that you are kind hearted.........well, let's try to look at another perspective......... i did try very hard to ask you to help me but you just tell me you are lazy and sick and etc...... if i am to hold this job right now, will you help me in return? the answer is NO....... and BIG NO....... don't expect people to be good to you when you didn't intend to be good to them before, now or in the future.........

never seen me so angry before? well, i have been trying hard to control myself.....but i have my own limits as well........

2011-09-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

24th September 2011........just like another night that is NOT TO BE FORGOTTEN...you are right...we are kpop fans....after rain's concert in 2007.......now is BIGBANG's turn to perform in malaysia!!! weeeeee....

i arrived quite early to stadium merdeka (for a number-seated person)...what made my heart jump was that i heard Seungri's song...waaaaaaaa!!!!!! he's rehearsal-ing.......i cant spot him from outside..but afterwards i spotted a place to peek from outside...then i heard gdragon and top's KNOCK OUT........OMG....... i just managed to snap a super small pic of them....top wearing red jacket...and jiyong.. stripey shirt.......

the concert kicked off with FT ISLAND'S hello hello.......the atmosphere was good.......but after awhile...i got tired..hungry..and thirsty......i decided to just sit and save energy.....then TEENTOP came out....the lead singer was so not handsome...sorry.....haha...then came..4MINUTE.......hot legs.........great songs........followed by U-KISS.......Eli was so cute and chubby......after that..i shouted Seungri's name...lol.... i thought it was his turn....i totally forgot about PARKJUNGMIN.....mianhe...... he was not bad la...just maybe..we all are tired....and waiting for bigbang that it seemed like he has less fans..... but never mind him....

everyone was in a HIGH mode when SEUNGRI came out.....WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO....i can finally see oppa!!!! heheehhee....im not sorry for being super high......i totally forgot about my hunger.....we are all full of energy to welcome them.......EVERYBODY AROUND ME WAS ALL STANDING UP ON CHAIR......CHEERING OUR LUNGS OUT!!!! =P he sang vvip.....STRONG BABY(awww..my favourite song) and WHAT TO DO.......!!! i still remembered....seungri's english was not bad...he dont need any translator...he even said he dont wanna hold a concert here..but to stay here......lol............he is such a CUTIE.......when the host taught him.."sangat bagus".....he understood immediately and said AWESOME!!!!! hahhahaa....he is just awesome as well.............then without any warning.....JIYONG AND TOP came out!! you cant really imagine how HIGH we all are if you are not at the concert itself......oh my.....i cant really hear them sing.....all i heard was our shouting...cheering...and WE ARE SINGING ALONG!!! LOL.....jiyong said he's quite surprised that we all can sing like koreans....i know the number of audience at yesterday night was super less compared to korean fans...but you have to forgive us....the tix was not cheap =(

but the ending part was quite bad....without any warning again.......GD n TOP just left the stage......there was NO ENCORE!! man...what this means?! i paid rm400 just to see BIGBANG IN 15 MIN? JUST TO HEAR 6SONGS?? >.< nevertheless...i enjoyed so much !! hehe........

2011-09-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

well i guess sometimes..when you say "it's over"....it isn't really over....feelings....or i think you should know the word......hehe...yeah..finally i had to admit to myself......your feelings towards him isn't really over....... it still hurts...... you will still feel jealous.....you still wait for him to online....your heart still beat fast...you still feel breathless......your heart still flutters when he look directly into your eyes.....

the feeling of being rejected when the relationship has not yet even started........ >.< im not sure since when i told myself i had stopped falling for him but.....but now.......when you listen to your heart....you know the right answer directly without the need of asking it........ L _ _ _ is blind and foolish.....i know....... are you saying maybe i need more time to forget someone? some said you need the double of the time you fall for someone, to forget that person........ i dunno is it true........but i know... i need to find a new one to fall for before i can totally forget him....

2011-08-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

hmm....i've been delaying....always telling myself..ok..i ll write blog later...and now it's 3rd day already...all feelings and emotions...gone...im calm now....high percentage i dont remember what i wanna write in the first place....... >.<

maybe i should start off with my work first? okay...last monday was the 'suppose-farewell-party' for all of us here...first time having lunch at secret recipe.......no need to say about the price... the food was simply delicious...i had dory fish with lobster sauce.....unwilling to spend more on the cake....... =P but we were so hungry that day that we forgot to take pictures together...haih....... well, it's my last day this friday...im so happy...weeeeeee =)

cant sleep well these few days...always have weird dreams...like i cant register for my course registration =.= and the weirdest was....gd top and seungri are coming malaysia..... i dreamt about ji yong.... he was suppose to sing and perform with the others...i dunno why i missed out his performance...but then i suddenly met him in a cafe... and he is asking or giving me permission to kiss his face......oh no......im so perverted...haha but i didn't at the end......cuz im too shocked and then i ended up waking up....... =S

and sometimes..i just feel that the god is being too good to me.........during my form4 years......i watched FULL HOUSE...and fell in love with Rain immediately.......and he came for his first ever concert in Malaysia....... i get to see him in real person.....cant believe it......my mum went with me to his concert..... she said i was shouting happily like a mad girl.....ya, maybe...i cant even remember much what songs did he sing.... i was focusing too much on his face..... =P and this year...i fell in love with BIGBANG.....a super awesome boy group........ with good looks....great singing skills........a greater leader.......and lastly...a group where all members have their own unique personalities... and G DRAGON aka JI YONG and SEUNGRI and TOP are coming to MALAYSIA this september........best present this year after so long......... cant wait to see them........ i hope JI YONG or SEUNGRI will look straight at me........ =P i remember i had this feeling last time with EVAN YO.... he's the only singer that look straight at me..... ^^

but im angry at many fans who said this to the korean music wave organizer......"oh ...my fav groups are not coming?? okay im not going...." "oh ma..the price is just too expensive......" "can you change the date?? im having exams that period........" "can you change the venue? i prefer indoor rather that outdoor......." now let me answer to your absurd questions here.......
1. fine...who cares if you are going to the concert or not? it's rude and not respectful to the others.....the organizer is doing its best to bring a great kpop concert here.......they can just simply attend to all your wishes.....just keep your mouth shut and stop whining....... =.= i, too, hope other groups are coming..probably they are just too busy with their own schedules..... but if we dont show our support to kpop this time, how are we suppose to convince them that it's is worth coming to Malaysia.........?

2. yes...the price may be just a little too expensive...if you cant afford it...save some money from the start...like me....expect a great concert to be held soon...or just buy the cheapest tix....... you expect or wish a great artists to perform here and yet you are unwilling to pay a higher price? it's not easy to invite all those artists here...just face the truth...everybody is working hard to earn a better living.... and artists have work hard to produce a great song...great dancing skills...... why do you think they rather go Singapore? it's because singapore has better behaviour fans(judging from the response of malaysia's fans) and of course their currency is higher than us...... they rather go the Thailand because they have lots and lots of fans there compare to Malaysia.....so our beloved artists hope to earn a little more as well........admit it guys........! =.=

3. hello people. the date is set...and that date is the best for all malaysia's fans......why on earth would the organizer choose an unsuitable date? some people have exams on the other days as well...... futhermore... the date is set on weekend not weekdays....the concert will only last for 2 hours and half...im pretty sure you cant study much at home within these 2hours....believe me....i have had such experience before this...besides, exam is about preparing yourself earlier not last minute studies...... so stop complaining

4. ofcourse most people would prefer indoor stadium in case it rains on d-day........but our malaysia indoor stadium cant possibly fit all kpop fans..... outdoor stadium has much more space.....i expect if the organizer change the venue to indoor and said all tickets are sold out.....probably you'll ask to change to a bigger stadium......

lastly, if you still have complaints, i suggest you fly all the way to Korea, Singapore, Thailand or any other countries to see your favourite artists....perhaps you should start calculating the price of ticket, airplane tickets, accommodation and other stuffs... so be grateful and THANK YOU

2011-08-08T08:34:00.000-07:00

weeeeeee.........it feels as it's been such a long time since i updated myself here.....although i know no one will be reading this blog........still, i still feel good in this way......speaking silently to the whole world.........expressing my feelings without..hmm what's the right word?......without bothering/annoying someone...........

haha..........so after working for more than one month now....many things have changed? i dunno.......i got my pay already =) thought of planning to go trip to singapore but seems like no one is supporting.....as always...... =.= oh ya..about my working pressure? well, i still feel it sometimes...but you just couldn't care much now....who cares if my percentage is the lowest.........lol............. gonna back to uni-life in less than one month......nooooooo!

my new sem is gonna be so dead you know =( yaya..i always said that but i just don't have the effort....yes, i know it's my fault.......i just online everyday...fb..youtube..blabla.......but not the books........who else should i blame again? yup, it's ME ... =( the same feeling comes back again......why do i have to beg like everyone to give response to a event perhaps? beg like everyone becomes friends again so that it will not be awkward when we met again after such a long time? it's my fault again?

btw......the best is still the cute and pure YONGSEO COUPLE <3.......yeap...i just want my love story to become just like them.......sweet simple pure...........

GOODNIGHT ^^

2011-07-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

im listening to abracadabra .... nice song... been dreaming frequently these few days.......start to feel work pressure already >.< that's bad......i still have a month and a half to go.......*pouting*

oh ya..back to dreaming........haha i always dream about same things......love.......found some videos..... wanna know my ideal type of guy?? JUNG YONG HWA is the one or i should say shinwoo in 'your beautiful' drama..ji hoon in 'boys over flower'......haha watch the vids of yongseo couple... u ll get what i mean....... =) yeap...it's just simple... nice, caring, loving(romantic), cute(i dont mean the look...the way he reacts...), responsible...... just a little bit of these and that simple things makes us, the girl happy and satisfied....... it's not too much rite........but i guess the guys will think "even we have these characteristics..the girl will still not satisfied"........ maybe you are true......the most important thing that matters is LOVE........ if there is no feel between us....the relationship will end sooner or later............

WORK WORK WORK........!!! jiayou o

2011-07-11T08:14:00.001-07:00

hiii guys.....it's been a long time i didnt update myself here.......

work:
hmm not bad....though a few days have passed...things seem to slow down...and gets more boring minute by minute........HAIH............my customers are not turning up =( i think i ll be the one scolded next...never mind... i feel like quitting already...haha.......it's a kinda boring job.........other colleagues are getting better than me le... how how?? there's one girl i think is kinda irritating >.< she thought she was nice?! always thinking of ways to lazing around.......speaks loudly and rudely to mother.....thinks everything goes her ways......cant she feel that we are kinda ignoring her...? hello...change your attitude a bit la... and the surprising part is she got more customers than me and she started later than me =( ishhhh i lost to her........

gang:
arghhh...making me sad and kinda angry again.....i know it's not purposely done...but WHY WHY WHY?! why is it always like this.........fine then........just go anywhere you guys want without me....... cuz you dont even feel my presence there even if im there or not there...yeap...doesnt make any difference rite? it's not as meaningfull as it is last time.......last time........i still have something to anticipate.....but now..NOTHING.... so i guess i shouldnt be that jeolous....just enjoy it yourselves ba......i dont care.......... =)

besties: yeap....my 2 besties are always the best......forgiving and loving and caring and understanding and bla bla bla........... =) you know you are the one........hehe............saegil chukka hamnida ya....... !

gonna enjoy shopping tml myself........will i buy something that i regret later?? i guess i might..... hmm i just cant resist it......the model looks perfect.........but when i wear them.......ugghh......i know...im a bad model......bad looking..............

anyway......been dreaming a lot of yong hwa lately...hahaa =P sarangae......my new target.........

feeling sleepy everyday......=.= rite after i bath and online while lying on bed

~baby good nite by Gdragon n top~

2011-06-29T07:25:00.000-07:00

2011-06-18T01:21:00.000-07:00

haiz....another down days for me.......now i know that im definitely not a person that know how to decide or make choices on my own........

Digi days are still a long way to go.....waking up at 5 30am everyday.....it's a torture seriously...... wait for "unexpectable" arrival of ktm.....never once early or on time.....always late....... =.= i cant even dare myself to take a later train as im afraid that the ktm got cancelled again.....and i ll be late to work....damn msia system..... arrived there early in the morning.......nothing to do......normally we ll only get to do something after lunch time..... =( why was it like that? cant i go back early everyday? besides..i really have no appetite to eat lunch in front of new people....plus there's no chinese food around that area.....omg...... back at bts almost 8pm everyday......reach home at 8 30pm....eat until 9....bath....sleep........ the routine repeats itself....... ><

it's not a stressful work.....but........i dunno what to say.......

both my parents suggest me to quit but how could i say it out to my boss.......... =(

2011-06-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

ahhh today is the last day of my absolutely free day during my hols....

i feel weird...exciting to be able to work at a big company, Digi....nervous...and scared as i will be taking ktm... it's such a long way from shah alam to my house....... =S pray that im always safe......amitabha .... probably will wake up 6 00 and back home 8 00pm everyday...... >.< really hope that i gain some great experience there... so that all my sacrifices are worth it........

is it just because im too free? suddenly found that friends are full of pretense......most are not there when you really need help.......maybe i shouldnt be the one asking for more or is it because i haven't prove myself worthy to them? why do i always need to be the one that start things first?

besides gaining new experiences during hols...i really hope that things turn out better in my 2nd year....... >.< i know...life is getting harder for us....im still not sure why i choose engineering.......but if you are asking for my advices...choosing a professional course is definitely the right choice... even if you dont really like it.....but at least it is something worth studying hard for......

and...im really sorry for those who put hopes on me...yes, im sorry i quit diabolo but im really just too lazy to go for practices anymore......yes, im lazy......haha....... =P and im your diabolo manager now.... ^.^

as for g-ri.........i will always love you guys......just dont make me disappoint even a little......seungri...ok? haha don't disappoint me by showing me you muakss even for just a fraction of a second..... =( it really hurts me a lot......hey guys....cant i dream a little......? for a dull person like me.....bb gives me strength and hopes to continue to strive too you know.....sometimes...dreams is better than reality..but dont worry....i wont let dream conquer me.... =) sometimes it's just that i found that dreams are more reliable than friends..cuz you can control your dream...and that why my dreams boost me up.......if you get what i mean...

lastly...my new found goal.......study harder for my coming up exams (the time is not right now yet..i know)......work harder......save more money to go overseas....... => SAVE SAVE SAVE........ strange enough......i gain more confidence after going through a few interviews and meeting different people from different management companies......life grows with experience........

ANNYEONG...... <3

2011-06-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

hmmm...mixed feelings day......i dunno why i almost dream about weird things.....sometimes.....about a guy who loves me a lot..for what i am.....sometimes......driving without any experience...... =S sometimes...about shiny bright stars......... >.<

finally found an internship......firstly..i thought that they offered me quite a lot.....some seniors said rm300 was quite a lot already...although i got a little more than that... but suddenly...found that my friends' intern got 1.1k ..... O.O so not fair man!! their accommodation and food were foc........why they got so much? lol....i cant even covered my ktm fare and lunch with such little money...i guess i need to wake up as early as 5 30am everyday and can only back home at 8pm....... =( i hope i can really learn something there.....i dont mind less salary......but please give me something or some experiences that are worth working for "free"......... ><

HAIH.........days without activities are damn boring.......what did i do everyday? wake up late...eat breakfast@lunch...watch drama....online...facebook...feed "gui gui"...... forgive me..but im getting sick of dreaming about Seung ri.....haha <3 an adorable guy.......gotta get him away from my eyes for awhile....... im sorry Rain...... =)

when is big bang coming to malaysia......?? im sorry again for being greedy.....thank you god for granting all my wishes i wrote at friendster before...haha....i clearly remembered i wrote "please bring Rain..Mike He..Rainie Yang...Fahrenheit...and TVXQ to msia" but....now....i WISH to have BIGBANG infront of my eyes...... =( wanted them so badly...........Rain was here twice already......why dont they give Malaysian fans a chance to meet them?

p/s: i totally give up god already...if you found out who he is...haha....although i still miss him sometimes.......but i learnt to move on......with the memories we had......

2011-05-30T06:11:00.000-07:00

today is a mixed feelings day? i dunno the exact words to phrase them......haiz........ maybe a day that was spiced up with a little excitement and disappointment i should say.....

feeling happy because i was finally called up for interview as a telemarketer......i only have 50% confidence and faith in it because im not a good speaker..not that confident in myself and definitely don't have the communication skills compared with others (i think) so...if i was employed...it might change me in my life...i might have better communication skills...more new friends from different kind of world (working environment) and most importantly...EARN MORE MONEY....haha =D im going to save all of it...to spend on overseas vacation next time ...keep that in mind ya... =P

feeling happy because finally i can know my results after all this while.....although i got quite many A- and a B+ ......im still thankful and regretful at the same time.....i scored for the subjects that i don't think i got good grades (happy) but i didn't excel in those subjects that i aimed i got A for (sad).....WHY is it always like this....maybe i should not be confident all my subjects...... >.<

feeling sad and jeolous......because one of my coursemates excelled unexpectedly....sorry to say.....but he scored lower than me a lot in midterm......and why can he still performed better than me? mayb "midterm affects your finals" don't imply on him i guess........ahh.....i still can't believe it..... =( .......some might say "hey, you should think...guys should scored better than girls.....especially in engineering.....where to put his face if you always scored better than him..." but but........arghhhh im so sorry to you for feeling like this but i can't help it.............. =S

right now......i should be start preparing for my coming interview on thursday.....ahhhhh.........a group interview for 3 hours man!!! how could i survive........it's my first interview for this long........ wish me luck isn't enough.......PRAY FOR ME............ =S ................

btw...... i still can't choose between GD and SR.............seungri is cute and lovable......but GD is sometimes just irresistable........ but SR successfully stole my heart from GD for quite a long time........all right all right... stop my day dreaming right......? fine fine......life is sometimes better with these dreams without you knowing it....... it just give you even the slightest hope when you are down.........

with love......

2011-05-11T06:50:00.000-07:00

feeling tired all of sudden.....why? i no longer have the strong spirit to continue studying.... @.@ my eyes have got puffy.........panda eyes.......cute? =.= no....i don't think so...im not bigbang's seungri....haha.....only he can be cute with a pair of panda eyes............

ahhhhhhhh...it's too hot in my room here........my roomate has gone to genting highland......my favourite vacation spot of all time.....although i went there at least once a year.....although i knew all the games up there...thrilling or not.......still i love the cool place....i feel happy everytime im there...no matter with any friends...matrix...uni..secondary.... i just feel happy up there....up in the hills....cold hill.......(maybe not that cold now)

suddenly just remembered that i have so many activities after my exams.......going Singapore....going Pangkor(maybe)....gathering with friends..... i seriously need to save my money after decided to buy big bang's shirt..rm40 each O.O money money all da way................

give me the strength to strive for my last paper please...............................

p/s: suddenly feel like missing you....although i knew we are just friends......when will my feelings fade? WHEN............it's tiring with one side <3

2011-05-09T05:44:00.000-07:00

i have one more paper to finish off my first year of university life............that means i still need to work hard for 3more days........ >.< my roomate has already finished hers........ =( this distracts me a lot with her giggling at my back...(well, she sits behind me as her table is behind..back to back...) ahhhh...

i dunno i should be happy or frustrated today...but i think i should be HAPPY...rite? hehe.....my exam this morning....no eye see.....it's not that hard...it's complicated....but i think my result will be the same if i were given one more day to study...i think i have prepared enough...that's the best that i can do.... = |

happy things....I BOUGHT BIG BANG'S SHIRT SUCCESSFULLY....well, at least uniqlo still have my size and the design of shirt that i want.....but i want G-Dragon's pink shirt.... =( haha forgive me for being so mad about them...but no choice....i think im going to fahrenheit88 after my finals..to check out whether they have restock anot..... this is the first time buying a guy's shirt and wearing it on myself....BIG BANG...you are truely amazing.........i know what are you guys thinking..........don't compare them with Rain.......they are both celebrities and idols of different criteria......... => but i love Seung ri more.........well, pls dont say that im sympathize with him.........but GD has more fans.......i just feel that Seungri needs a more passionate and supportive fans like me....lol............ Seungri need more support than he has now...he deserves it............

enough of big bang...........after my exam....me my roomate and our matrix friend went to klcc for THOR.....but my main purpose was going to buy big bang's shirt... =P like i mentioned above........... went for lunch at food court.....walked around Parkson......there were many funny and cute things sold there....but very expensive.....>.< THOR was suprisingly funny....very funny......... haha laughing my head off.....

an enjoyable day after all......but after finishing my first year......it's time to find work again as we have 4months off until the starting of our new sem.......sept............ =.=

gambate for my final paper..............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hiakkkkkkkkkkk =D

2011-04-30T04:03:00.000-07:00

it's been a long time since i last wrote here.....i kinda wish that he will come across reading my blog here..hope to have the feeling that someone will track me or something else like that...but the answer is NO.....

i have finished 5 of my exam papers...left two more that i really need to wrote hard...but i decided to take a rest for one day or two the most... but when i have free time...i ll start to think about him.....

but this time..it's for real......i didn't talk to him for more than two weeks..... the will to take the first step towards him died......and when i think back our last promises...i don't think you wouldn't mind even if i didn't do as we said before...or you don't even remembered what we said before..still, i wanna thank you for giving me the best memories that i had in my life.......

thank god and goodbye............. =) i ll do as you wish......changing our relationship from chatting buddies to hi-bye.................

2011-04-22T09:37:00.000-07:00

sometimes...they more you know the more you'll get hurt rite?

thats what happened to me.... =( sometimes...you are very curious...and decided to go check it out....the sudden urge or feeling makes you dare to take the first step towards to others...makes you dare to do whatever it takes just to get more information or just to confirm that you are wrong...thats what you hope....

but not sometimes..MANYtimes...after finding out the truth...you'll hurt deeper...thats reality....i always drag myself back to this world...but the next day, im off wandering to dreamland or should i called it hopeland? i have so many hopes....ya..maybe im too greedy....the god offers you time to sleep and i end up staying late to write here...lol >.<

but recently i found someone to get in love with and ya..i can say that you are total drug to me....BIG BANG <3 G-DRAGON..... i just can't stop listening to their songs over and over again...keep loading their videos at youtube...haha.....but....these group of people are great...they can sing and dance at the same time...yet they have less flaws in their live performance....total salute... =) and JIYONGoppa....please continue to lead your besties..be funny..be cute..be nice...be handsome...be perfect....muahh....im really jealous of the girl whom you hug at your concert.... >< but seeing your expression when she picked you...im wondering will you be that happy if im the one standing on stage...? haha seeing your happy and blissful expression with my own eyes will definitely be the best memory i had in my life..... GOOD JOB OPPA..... => and my last words....PLEASE COME TO MALAYSIA....I WANNA GO TO YOUR CONCERT TO BADLY... XD

2011-04-21T02:09:00.000-07:00

my 2nd nightmare of uni-life is about to start in a few more days time =S .....some might feel that im hypocritical when my results turned out to be good yet i keep saying that the papers are hard....but you dunno me.. those things that unintelligent or not smart people went through just to get a good result....... been feeling like fever everyday...yet sleeping and facebooking a lot...haha =P everybody does that rite? or not...lol

btw...it's justin bieber nite tonite.... =( oh god...wish im there...such a young successful kid....who's about the same age as me...lol..who's not jeolous of him.....young and rich....while (we) young and studying (not earning any money).....especially those bieber-haters out there.....i dunno why you guys have to voice out loud...forming a bieber-haters group or what-so-ever....it's obvious why you guys did that.... >.< i get very irritated when i didn't say bad things about your idols (though i dislike them) yet you keep doing those "stupid" things to me... herh....... blekk...i didn't mean to be rude..but justin is coming tonite and so there....shut up....!!

(i feel funny when my friends were shocked why i said "shut up" hahaha...hey...though im a polite one..can't i be angry once in a while...shut up is not rude you know... => )

2011-04-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

hmm....study week has started...which tell me that my second sem is about to finish... =( cant believe that im going to be senior already....NO....im getting older and nearer towards the "work world"....

why am i so confident in myself? is is because of there is still so much time left or time gap between my exams? and why am i so easily distracted? ish...... GAMBATE!!! YOU CAN WORK HARDER!! =)

....he started to mentioned about his <3 life for these recent posts........ at first im happy.....whatever he wrote sounds like saying about me.......but again.....im too self-conscious...... WAKE UP DARLING......he is not referring to you dear............ maybe someone special has appeared in front of him............ i can imagine how sad i ll be if he changed his relationship status...... =(

2011-04-08T20:05:00.000-07:00

hmm...when i read my last post again, you might have misunderstood it....lol....those every "last time" refer to different people....though when i wrote that way, it looks like im referring to the same person...no it isn't..okie ? =>

how's my life? No major change again...But recently, i have been thinking a lot.... Did i treat myself well? Why do i need to suffer all by myself silently? Why can't i shout out loud whenever i'm not pleased? Why can i only tell my troubles secretly to friends who are not near me (so that friends who are near me will not know that im not pleased)? =.= I guess that im just a coward who always pretend to be happy? Ya, pretending is damn tiring....but what else can we do?

It is nice to know that although friends around you are not concern about you, but friends that are far from you are concerned...haha thanks to them...i feel much better now....right...im treating myself better a little (by ignoring you..YES YOU...who purposely appear offline after i asked question...anyway..what the big deal...YOU ARE MORE COWARD THAN ME....HUH >.<........if you 'appear' to be so un-appreciate our friendship, fine then....do not regret later...i will not help at all in our '_ _ _ _ _ _' matters...suffer the consequences yourself if you like it so much =P)

i still miss you ......but there's nothing that i can do...... ><

Something does change......nothing will stay forever right?

2011-03-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

Hmm...it's been long time dears....and nothing has changed much...im still so alone and feeling of being abandoned....feeling of being treated as number2 or the last.....? right...i think that can be the best description....

Last time, he used to like all wall post....no matter small or big matter...simple or meaningful phrase....treated me like sister or even good junior.....chat with me....concern bout me......but now....not at all.....

Last time, he used to treat me like darling...take care of us.....being gentlemen.....but now...not at all............

Last time, he used to treat me like best friend....hug me...hit me..........but now...not at all............

Last time, he used to chat with me at least once every two days......talk quite alot........concern bout me....... but now...not at all............

Last time, he used to love me.......is my good listener to all my probs........but now...not at all............

Last time, i used to think that you are gentlemen and will be my good friend in near future...but now...not at all............

Last time, she used to be there every time i need advices......now she seemed to found another new besties...and now...not at all............

SEE...........everything around me change right? Ya, i get jealous easily......even at simple matters.....i get mad easily but i never once show my true feeling to anyone......is that why im so lonely?

One happy thing that has happened recently is that our stall is supported by 2nd year senior willingly.... im really thankful to you guys.....human tends to compare right? So now im comparing.....compared to my other friends who so called themselves as my good seniors and good friends....from those many people, only one or two came support me...others....they are now even willing to "give face" to us....... and yet, i supported and joined all activities that they suggested............. can i at least get a little repay? Im not greedy at all.......................but this has gone too far.............

that is the reason why i said i choose to avoid you now............and yet i did...................im gonna kick you out of my heart one by one........you dont deserve a place...........but maybe you said...."who cares? who wants to be in your heart?" Well, i care.......

It may seems what i have just said what harsh and cruel........but i know in the end, i will fail my mission...... because my heart and mind are not obedient...... in my world, NOTHING COMES OUT OF MY HEART AFTER YOU SUCCEED IN COMING IN........... so no matter i much i hate you all for treat me in such way.....i still do not have the strength to kick you out............

2011-03-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

i choose to avoid you and get rid of myself from your eyes as hard as i could........maybe you don't even care about this........or maybe it should be i choose to avoid you and get rid of you from my sight as hard as i can so that i won't think or dream of something silly again......even if i'm around...i will be just sitting there and smiling like a dummy all the way......listening to her blabbering all the way......as everyone thinks whatever she say is correct..... i still hate her for saying such things about Rain.....huh.........

2011-03-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

hmm its been such a long time i didn't write in here............busy days.......now i have finally get over with my midterms.......heeeeeeeeee........

first time went to a dinner or something like prom......didn't wear specs or contacts at all.......been moving around like a blind lady that nite........it's hard to get people's attention when you are quite or not popular? i guess so...... with my quiet personality and not-so-pretty face....i can hardly get anybody's attention even in fb rite? haha... why im i jeolous over that......? ~~ recalling back some even....even god doesn't care to take any picture with me on a dinner long time ago... funny right......why do we have to love the wrong person? ~~ before going to the prom...we went to set our hair...and do make up ourselves.....not bad actually......mostly people dress in black and white....and i chose to be different....purplish pink ^^.......nice one......i do look pretty on that day haha......cuz most pictures that i was tagged in was nice..... =) tiring day actually...with such high heels and a test on early morning the next day... >.<

our hyper friend....in our new gang......was emo-ing these few days.....feel weird not to hear him talking and blabbering away.....hmm.....hope to have him back soon.....with such busy days....our plan to genting was cancelled......ish.......i do love genting.........our gathering with matric friends was cancelled too....... =.= great..... and on one thursday...we had a 'yumcha' with our coursemates and half-coursemates.... nice experience anyway...... plan to walk to 3rd college..but in the end..we took a taxi there....lol.........

this few months were boring ones.....i failed to find someone new to dream and love.....lol...... and i just can't simply continue my dreams with people i know that don't care about me at all........aiks.....and yet i just dream about god again...finally being my husband.....=.= he was an 'over already' story ok? hmm......... once im back home...im lazy again........why? i dont know........ lol...........and why do i always compare myself with her? i don't know.......... why am i the one that i always been fooled and bullied and ignored? i don't know.......BECAUSE IM STUPID (a song from kim hyun joong)

2011-03-10T00:33:00.000-08:00

A lot of things happen around me recently...some are bad..some are good....i dunno...

Let me start with our HE trip to Malacca....started off from KL to bus terminal TS...sitting in the bus was the most boring thing...took exactly 2hrs to reach our destination...quite anticipated for this trip actually...cuz it's been such a long time that we go somewhere to for vacation and this time...it was with different or new-found friends in UM.....haha....we stayed at a house behind her own house....(lol...it sounds complicated). Yeap...after we leave everything at the house...off we go to enjoy ourselves...

the first destination....satay celup...hmmm not that tasty for me...as i don't eat spicy...haha (maybe some will have less nice food to eat because of me?) Next stop would be Dataran Pahlawan...the nearest and best shopping mall in Malacca i guess...and they decided to watch black swan....(which is a OHNO for me =< ) why am i always being forced to watch something that i don't want too? Aiks...We took many crazy pictures....can't stop viewing them everything i on fb....hahaha....bought two very nice t-shirts...but one of them will be ruined the next day...stained by colours.... we climbed st paul........walk around....finally to the jonker street.......tiring and smelly all the way....... and we decided to bath 1st before entering cinema.....so off we back home.... yay....we were all clean now......it will be nice and comfortable in cinema...... BLAck sWAn is a-must-not-watch movie for me actually if i had watched the trailer earlier...... great movie but not of my taste...i was closing my eyes for half of the movie.....scary which give a feeling of i-cant-sleep-at-night if i watched some of those scenes.....eww...... so that end our first day........

the next day...is our homework day.....once we reached the main gate of Portuguese.....we all have OMG expression on our face.......why didn't anyone warn us that it was a water splashing festival.....haih...that how i lost my rm20 shirt in half day....and worst of all i was been thrown into a pool of ice water and seaside.... =.= thx for that....a great experience anyway...after drying up ourselves abit..we had our lunch...seafood.... yumyum......everyone was so hungry.........after bath....we set off to melaka sentral but found out that we could only get 830pm bus that day....oh no..now was only 500pm......no choice...we walked to jusco instead for our dinner.......end of our trip.......nice trip anyway....happy memories........... =)

goin back to um.....makes me realize that i should come back to reality again.......hmmm homework and tests waiting for us............ suddenly...i realize that i haven't been talking to god for many days.....many feelings for him really has ended......although i had hope before this that things might worked out between us.....but i know that it is impossible........and even though you miss this group of friends....for now......i don't really feel like joining you.....going to somewhere just to see and be with you..........deep in my heart.....i was hoping that you feel something wrong when im not around you when i should be....i hope that you realize i might be important to you.........but i know i won't feel that..........in fact...........maybe you don't even realize that im not beside you..............

2011-02-28T17:41:00.000-08:00

I didn't pay much attention to the dates...and without realising it....today is the 1st March already...time do really flies right??

Hmm..as for today's blog...i don't really know what i should start with...then...let me start blaming people first...lol.......our choir practices (lame as always) but it have even gone worse on our last day of practice...we really sounded terrible....haiz....why?? i didn't mean that i have nice voice or can sing well...but at least i tried my best to attend the practices even when i have to go there alone without my friends...(unlike those who always pretend to be busy or sick...as if im not...) So...the whole bunch of people came yesterday for last of practise..and you don't need to guess how our singing turned out to be...We really sound nice without whole bunch of them...

Let's move to the god part...we haven't like talk to each other for more than 4 days already..what happen to us? I don't know and try not to care....i purposely didn't want to start the conversation with him first...why we the girls always have to do the planning and outing and not you guys? So..fine....if you wanna make our friendship tie loose...get on with it....let's see how much effort you put in our friendship starting from now....im tired after all these while......................

2011-02-24T02:41:00.000-08:00

Although i should be busy studying now, i really need to write it out here...lol.... now i believe that the world is really small.....

Do you guys still remember when your heart start beating so fast for opposite sex? Haha....surprisingly i do...It was when im 12yrs old...at a tuition center..and the guy turn out to be a malay (well, you can't blame me...he was so fair at that time)... =.= anyway....we didn't talk to each other even though we had almost same tuiton classes until we were in form5...... erhem...back to original point...i fell for another chinese guy too...he's quite cute too..well, i didn't meet him at all for more than 5 yrs since last time till now.....

And you know what...as i was searching through some seniors' fb...i saw a my senior's picture..looks like a couple but it turn out to be his sister....then, i thought of looking at his sis' fb....her profile pic was with another guy...and as i looked through her album...i saw the guy look quite familiar...lol.......her bf was the cute guy i like when i was young.....i was like "walaoe"....how on earth this things come out on my screen...? >.< but suprisingly, i was not jeolous...i did saw him passing by me...and he is shorter than me you know...his info at fb said that he is now studying at tarc =.= sorry to those out there...tarc is one of the "la..." college in msia...lol....is that how my puppy love ended for him?

haha...rite...like you say...who cares...... ^^

2011-02-22T09:06:00.000-08:00

hmm...it seems that for all the blogs i had written for this two months......it showed that i don't really have happy days rite..? And happy days end too quickly....

As for today....bad day too...we had classes from 9 till 11....then i have to go for lunch with such a (sorry that i really need to describe him like that) "digusting" person......i really tried to ignore him in every way i can...but again...i know how god treat me....i can't........he is still there......and i start to wonder...how im gonna face him for four years...really a big OMG.... == and yeah....midterm....oh damn.....i think the highest mark that i could get is just 20/30.......haih....is my mind or my brain that bad....? I always can't twist it to solve tricky solutions...i did already tried my best to study...im not lazy rite...? >.<

after that....i have to wait for about 1hr till my next class.....sitting outside lecture hall...saw many people passing by....and i saw the god....hmm....we will talk about him later in this post... =P i online....found my so-called mates....yeah..they were at somewhere...and did not even bother to come to accompany who is alone there....hmm maybe i did so many bad things in my last life and i have to be unlucky and always make wrong decision for the rest of this life? luckily a guy was willing to accompany me....thx to you ya...and i found that he is kinda gentlemen too....but not so my type... (even someone already considered as his gf >.< ~ and she seems so "bu shuang" if we say something that oppose this so-called thing ~ if you understand what i meant =P) and it ended up by lecturer not coming after all and a nice raining weather was to us...damn...

and at night we have to sing choir....oh right..i recalled some situation suddenly.....why are you that thick-faced....you just help someone a bit and yet you dare to request a return.... (yaya...dear lord...why didn't you reward her for such an act?) and why am i the one who always need to do extra work? =.= really fed up of all this....am i too soft hearted? I have always ask myself the same WHY.....and yet....the situation continues and if not..worsen.... hmm...maybe you think that i think too much....but haih..i dunno.......sometimes i knew that she know my secret...and purposely make it harder for me and make me jeolous too....rite...now im the one who is oversensitive and overjeolous? Overjeolous..yeah...i admit...haha..but definately not oversensitive... =P

No one is afraid of heights, they are afraid of the fall,No one is afraid to play, they are afraid to lose, no one is afraid of the dark, they are afraid of what's in it, no one is afraid to say "I love you", they are afraid of the response.
~ but i already know your response....so..im not putting any more hope in it......great...it seems that finally i can kick you out of my heart.........

that's all for today....nite people....

2011-02-19T03:23:00.000-08:00

today's mood....not that good...because of the freaking hot whether? lol.......bought a dress for MAG.......hmm i think no matter how many boutique i visit again.....i can't find the dress that i wanted...that suit my feelings....so this pink dress considered ok......and now i left a nice pair of shoes........

after online at fb....and chatting with 'her'....mood goes down......maybe they didn't react according to what i plan? Am i that bossy? I don't think so......you guys are the ones that always fool me around.....thinking i'm a doll !!! When i want to have someone to accompany me....you purposely go back home....and when there's nothing to do...you stay at college to study.....fine.....Do you even know to arrange things according to priority? You remember what other people owe you and yet you don't even remember what you owe us.....you can't even sacrifice for us and how do you expect us to treat you well.............when you are behaving in such a way....how to you expect me to treat you as best friend.....sorry to say that you don't even fit to be one..........please don't let my percentage of hate-ness towards you increase........ >.<

2011-02-16T03:52:00.000-08:00

hmmm yesterday was a good day....wake up at right time....lol just enough time to drink milo and dressed up....walk to bus stop.......an outing day...haha.....

once we reached there, we walked straight up to cinema and looked for two friend of ours who have bought our tickets..we cant recognize them at first sight...haha...seems that you have grown fatter friend....lol =P watched movie.......sitting there......good place eh?! if you get what i mean....haha........then use a long time to decide what to eat......... =.= we ended up at kenny roget's roasters....... and got cheated.....huh....... then we changed place to food court for another round of food.....and finally ate ice cream at mcdonald...... =) it might seems like a short gathering for us but i think it's quite meaningful.....at least you still mix with friends which won't remind you of homework, tutorials, assignments and EXAM....!! >.<

and yes....i have to rush back to my college for another gathering...diabolo reunion dinner.......and omg....the food was so damn not suitable for me....... =( ya ya...it's thai food and i remembered someone told me that it's not spicy.......=.= right i ended up eating just a little bit of noodles and nuggets....weird drinks were served too....really omg...luckily i got a lollipop to perk me up...... @.@

and i discovered something new......a new friend seems to find reasons to talk to me recently...it's twice already...lol...ya...you are cute and good....but hmm....let's just be friends first alright.... =) i won't avoid you....hehe..........

the WORST DAY ever.... T.T

2011-02-07T09:31:00.000-08:00

There are many times in my life that i said that im so unlucky and "sui".......all unwanted things happen to me always............i did not expect good return or good fortune but at least not something bad la...... haiz..... for example, i dont want to be in plkn but deep in my heart...i thought...hmm i know i ll get it anyway...i know how god treats me......and yes...i get in... =.= although plkn turned out to be one of the best experience in my life....

and today.......it is so bad that i wanna stay up and write in here....morning before i woke up...i dreamt a very serious and bad dream...i think...in my dream...i did everything i could to send my brother to hospital but i didnt see him get right through the door...and he got kidnapped......bad amen...TOUCH WOOD....Zzzz........pls dont let it happen......he's the most precious thing in my life.....i think of him more as son and friend and brother....

next thing....went to class....her class dismissed early...they would rather not wait me for another 15 minutes and dumped me alone, eating lunch myself.....i have guessed that earlier.......fine...i really hope to put you as my best friend but i cant.......cuz of all you did to me.........i ll eat lunch myself and i kept to myself...purposely dont wanna look for them........huh........later at nite.....tabao roti canai for supper.....but it ended up eaten by antsssss.......arghhhh....there goes my supper...bye........ =.= went to photostat paper....but dont have enough money T.T went up to my room at 8th floor and go down again.......aiks........zzzz

all this might sounds small matter to you but to me........it's not small.............

mood: GOD.......WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

2011-02-05T23:00:00.000-08:00

It's the fourth day of cny......and should this be the day when cny mood end? hmm..maybe because uni-life will start tomorrow.. >< this is the second year that i have such a short cny hols..loads of homework and reports piling up at the table...waiting for me..aiks...

another coursemate left me.....had been wondering did i choose the right course for long time...but i think i didn't...and yet why people left it one by one.....we are short of students.......lol yeah it's not funny......i hope i ll do good in this course and show it to other people......leaving us is definitely the WRONG choice in your life =P haiz........and why does all bad things have to happen to me? "One good turn deserves another" is not applied to me.................. a project that catches everybody's eyes......and it turns out that we have NOT to sell food......isnt that dumb.T.T we got the hardest thing to sell.......and im about to ask mdm...."hey do you expect us to fail in our sales......." aarghhhhhhhhh i remembered a friend once told me that......hey look at the bright side..ouhhh there's no bright side..... =.= haha........

mood: cloudy..hope i will not rain

2011-02-05T22:54:00.000-08:00

HAppY ChiNESe New yeAR ^^

2011-02-03T08:51:00.000-08:00

huat ar....finally the first day of cny end...hmm...didnt figured out that i will have such tiring day...CNY is always boring to me...visiting endless relatives and the elders will continue blabbering all the way...lol....and i will be there sitting like a statue...haha...you might say..who cares when you got angpaus....but this year, my family decided to go i-city..a nice place with good nite view...but maybe just worth going once only in a life time...haha..that place will be bored to you if you visited it frequently...nothing else but colourful lights....

we will be setting off to genting highlands early next morning....like my roommate said...i will give up anything just to go that place...lol...maybe..but just with bunch of friends who loves exciting games...but with my family...definitely not those parts...my brother is too 'big' to play those childish games and he is not of the age yet to play roller-coaster-sorts....parents are only interested in strolling and gambling...lol...

i hope to go bukit tinggi again actually...just to take pictures with cute rabbits....those rabbits are much more 'hug-a-ble' compare to those in semenyih...right ?? T.T i think my wish will not come true...nevertheless...im anticipating this trip with only my family members....

happy cny again guys...do enjoy ur sweet cny ^^

zha-pa-lang

2011-01-29T23:56:00.000-08:00

This is my first post in here and to the first question you saw the moment you click into my blog...yes.. =.= it is raining now and it had started to rain before i wake up until now... 3 30pm....it seems like a long day to me...

Yup.. CNY is coming ppl....and me right now...staying at home....planning to make cookies today but since it is raining, we didn't manage to buy ingredients... haizz.... think back....i wonder why seniors call me Rain...yet i preferred to be called MY actually...lol...it is because i put my name as such in fb...=.= The very moment from the start, i wanted my name to be rainmeiyee but fb wanted us to have first and last name...and i dont want fb-ers to know my surname..so now im Rain......lol.... Some friends wish to hurt my feelings and joke that my Rain is not popular anymore and is dumped out of the fame world...but to me....NO...whatever you say will not change my respect to him...haha...you failed, dear.....

Yesterday, i saw my long-lost good friend appearing online in fb...haha... =P proud that i mentioned bout you? no need to thank me for those advices....i know you will be strong and i sincerely hope your 'wish' come true...hehe as for my part of story... as no more...it's old school story already....we are good friends now at least...err..i guess....to tell you the truth...im not sure whether i had my place in his heart as his good friend anot...let alone <3 ........hmm so...the story ends right here ok...??

Life is beautiful yet unbelievable... in both ways...things always come in both ways...the angel and devil....... i treated you like my own siblings. My lovely bro and sis......i respected you........and yet you are so cruel that you dump me straight into the well of disappointment and misery............. i always said 'fine....you treat me this way and i'll treat you back to same....don't think that i'm such a foolish person' but i couldn't do it back to you...i can't.........but maybe i should thank you for letting to me know what person you really are....and so that i don't put too much hope and expectation in you.........

Enough with the heavy.......... =) i hope to share a very sweet experience with you guys but im not in that mood to do it now...maybe next time..........with cny coming....hope that everything will be better........ ^^ jiayou la.............. XD